It's Not the Absence of Fear
by daydreamer4
Summary: Luke and Lorelai have broken up and Luke has left town. Can Lorelai overcome her insecurities in time to win him back? Mild spoilers.
1. Default Chapter

_**Author's Note**: So I wanted to write a fic with certain scenes in it and this is what I started. It's not going to be long, but hopefully it will be a good read if you're looking for one. I don't own Gilmore Girls._

_**Spoilers**: This story details the reason for Christopher's reappearance in Stars Hollow. If you don't want to know the reason Chris is back in town then please don't read any further._

He lazily awoke and reached to the left side of the bed without opening his eyes. His hand was greeted by a cold sheet where she used to be. He forced his eyes open to get the visual proof he needed that she wasn't there. That she wasn't coming back. How long had it been since she was there? He couldn't seem to remember anymore.

It seemed a lifetime ago that he told her to make a choice. It was all or nothing. She laughed at first and started singing a song that was vaguely familiar. He thought it was from an old musical she forced him to watch once upon a time. But then she realized that he was serious. He needed to know where he stood. Unfortunately she couldn't tell him. She couldn't let him get to that little piece inside of her that she protected so fiercely.

The worst part was that he thought he was the man that could breach the wall she had built around her heart such a long time ago. He honestly thought he was different. Her silence at his question only proved to him that he was no different than any other man that had come before. Lorelai Gilmore was too independent, too stubborn, too isolated to admit to anyone that she needed anyone, save for herself and Rory. He needed her assurance that she was in it for the long haul. Luke looked at Lorelai and saw forever. He soon realized that she looked at him and saw only tomorrow.

He sat up in his bed. The bed that was once the site of one of Luke's happiest memories. Now it was simply a place to sleep. A place to shut his eyes and forget about Lorelai, forget about the pitiful looks the town gave him, forget about his life if only for a few hours each night. God knows the sleep wasn't easy. He kept seeing her face. He kept seeing her reach out to him. Her voice in his ears saying that she didn't want it to end. She didn't want it to end, but she never said the words that would make him stay. And so Luke threw back the covers and forced himself into the cold morning air.

It was early. Four a.m. by the face on the clock. Luke knew he should be downstairs unpacking his bread shipment instead he was upstairs packing a bag. Once upon a time Luke had given his word to Taylor and the entire town that if his relationship with Lorelai ended he would close up the diner and leave town. He never actually planned on following through with that plan, but circumstances changed. He couldn't face the looks anymore. The town hadn't divided into pink and blue as Taylor had predicted, but the looks of pity came daily. He couldn't bear to hear snippets of conversation about Lorelai. He just couldn't do it anymore.

Luke hadn't told anyone of his plan to leave. He hadn't even really thought about it seriously until the previous evening. Lane asked for a few weeks off to work with the band. Caesar was going on vacation and Luke decided it was time. He was going to do something he'd never considered in his life. He was leaving Stars Hollow.

Luke didn't have a plan. He was going to go to the cabin for a while. He couldn't impose on Liz and he didn't really want to. He'd go to the cabin and stay there until he figured out what to do, where to go, who to be without Lorelai there to define him.

Luke filled his large duffel bag and threw it into the back of his truck. He took one last look around the town square. It was quiet and dark. The sun hadn't risen yet and the town looked so peaceful, so unassuming. He took a deep breath and reached for the sign that he wrote with great pain. He walked over to the diner door and opened it. He slipped the sign in between the blinds and locked the door behind him. Taking one last look at the diner, the place he called home for years, Luke walked to his truck and started the engine. He put the truck in drive and the tired rolled out of town, the way Luke saw it, forever.

* * *

Four weeks. That was how long Lorelai had gone without coffee from Luke's. She trudged down the stairs in a state of perpetual grumpiness. The grumpiness started four weeks ago. It started about the time she stopped having Luke's coffee. It started about the time Luke left her.

Lorelai contemplated that thought. Luke left her. She didn't walk away. He did. Sure, he wanted her to say she loved him. He wanted her to say that there was room in her life him, but the thought terrified her. She wasn't ready to tell him, though they'd been together for eight months, though he'd been a huge part of her life for eight years, she couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear. And she'd be damned if she was going to tell him under threat of an ultimatum. He should've known her better than that.

Lorelai passed the couch and saw Christopher slumbering peacefully. Christopher. That was the other half of her problem. Luke wasn't happy with his reappearance in her life. Lorelai couldn't honestly say she was either, but she felt some sort of feeling, it might have been pity, and she had to help him.

Sherry left Christopher and now he was on his own to raise Georgia. He didn't have a clue and part of Lorelai felt she had to help him and so she did. That was when her relationship with Luke started to strain. He couldn't understand how Lorelai could take him in and help him raise another woman's child considering he wasn't there to help with Rory. Lorelai agreed with Luke. She wasn't sure how she was able to do it either.

Eventually Luke relented and tried to be supportive about the arrangement. But one day, their anniversary actually, he wanted more. He wanted Lorelai to reassure him that she was just as committed to their relationship as he was. It seemed simple enough and yet, she couldn't do it. So four weeks had passed with no coffee, no communication, no Luke.

It was Saturday and Lorelai had to be at the inn early. She left the house and, as she'd been doing for the last weeks, she took the long way to the inn. She drove through town square and when she stopped at the four-stop she glanced at Luke's Diner. In some ways it made her feel good to know that even if she didn't see him, didn't touch him, didn't speak to him that he was still there. But today was different. She stopped and glanced at the diner and she saw a large crowd outside the diner. The lights were off inside and people were peering in the windows.

Lorelai found a parking space and dashed across the street to the diner. The scene had a familiar quality to it. Lorelai saw Babette and tapped her shoulder.

"Babette," Lorelai said. "What's going on?"

"Oh, hey sugar," Babette said surprised and melancholy all at once.

"Is everything okay?" Lorelai asked trying to peer through the crowd in front of the door. "Is it Luke?"

"Sugar," Babette said tugging on Lorelai's arm and pulling her away from the crowd. "Come here a minute."

"Babette," Lorelai said, her voice starting to shrill from nervousness. "What's wrong?"

"Luke left honey," Babette said patting her hand. "He closed the diner and left town."

"What do mean?" Lorelai asked starting to panic. "He just went fishing right?" Lorelai asked remembering the last time the diner closed that Luke had gone to his cabin to fish.

"I don't think so sweetie," Babette replied. "The sign said closed permanently. I don't think Luke is planning on coming back anytime soon."

Lorelai shrugged off Babette's hand and plowed through the crowd to see the sign for herself. Sure enough she got to the front of the crowd and saw Luke's familiar handwriting, "Closed permanently. Thanks for your patronage."

Lorelai felt dizzy. She slowly backed through the crowd. She could feel everyone looking at her. It was as if all their eyes glared and shouted, '_This is your fault_.' Lorelai struggled to make it back to her Jeep and she sat in the driver's seat just staring out the window at the dark diner. Lorelai never thought Luke would leave town. She remembered all too well Luke's promise to Taylor, but she never thought he'd actually follow through with it.

Clumsily Lorelai reached for her purse and dug to find her cell phone. She had to know what was going on. She had to break the four-week silence and talk to Luke. He was the only one who could explain, could make her feel better. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed a familiar number.

Luke looked down at the passenger's seat and saw his ringing cell phone. '_Lorelai must know I'm gone_,' he thought. With the exception of Liz and Jess she was the only other person with his cell phone number. Sure enough he looked at the caller ID and saw her number. He almost picked it up, but he finally decided he'd let it ring.

"Hi, this is Luke. I'm can't get to the phone, so leave a message and if I can figure out how to retrieve it with this damn technology I'll call you back. And by the way, you shouldn't use cell phones anyway, they may cause brain cancer." Beep.

Lorelai usually laughed when she heard Luke's little tirade on cell phones and brain cancer. He had added that to his voicemail message just for her. He'd gotten her a hands-free device so she wouldn't have her cell phone so close to her head. But today she didn't laugh. Today she sighed when she heard his voice mail click on.

"Luke," she began. "It's me...it's Lorelai. I was just at the diner and I need to know what's going on. You're closing the diner? Forever? For this month? I mean I know what permanent means, I don't need a thesaurus, but I, I just want...I need to know...Look you can't leave town okay? Please,_ please_ don't do this. Call me please," Lorelai hung up the phone.

She thought her voice sounded more desperate than she intended. But suddenly she was faced with the cold reality that Luke was gone. Not only was he not going to be a part of her life, but he wasn't going to be a part of the town. Even though she had been too stubborn to tell him how she felt, now she wouldn't even get to hear about him. She wouldn't hear Babette tell her that she could tell Luke was still in love with her. She wouldn't get visits from Kirk telling her that his grilled cheese hadn't tasted the same since they broke up. She wouldn't ever pass Luke in Doose's. This was truly the end.

* * *

"Hey Lore," Christopher called happily from the kitchen when she returned home that night.

"Hey," Lorelai grumbled.

"What's up?" he asked walking into the foyer with Georgia on his hip.

"Nothing," Lorelai responding tossing her purse on the table and walking into the living room.

"Okay, not a very convincing nothing," Christopher replied following her.

"What are we doing here Chris?" Lorelai asked him.

"What?" he responded baffled.

"What is this?" Lorelai gestured to the room around her. "Why are we playing house? Why are you staying here?"

"Okay, hold on a second," Christopher said placing Georgia in her playpen. "What are you talking about? I didn't know we were playing house."

"Aren't we?" Lorelai asked. "You're here with Georgia, Rory comes home on the weekends and we look like this little happy family."

"You're helping me with Georgia," Christopher replied. "Who said we were trying to put a family together?"

"Don't act like you've never thought about it," Lorelai shot at him.

"I won't," Christopher admitted quietly. "But I haven't pressured you or said anything about it, so where the hell is this coming from? Is this about Luke?"

"No," Lorelai said fluffing the pillows on the couch a little too forcefully.

Christopher walked over to Lorelai and gave her a look.

"It's not about Luke?" Christopher asked. "This has nothing to do with him leaving town?"

"How do you know he left town?" Lorelai asked.

"Please, this is Stars Hollow," Christopher replied. "I know that Mrs. Nelson got a delivery from UPS that she had to send back, Morey is fighting a cold and Taylor got a shipment of bananas infested with fruit flies and I didn't even leave the house today."

"Yeah, well Luke did leave town," Lorelai replied crumbling on the couch. "He closed the diner and he's not coming back."

"And this is somehow my fault?" Christopher asked.

"Yes," Lorelai replied. "Luke and I were doing fine and then you showed up all pitiful and unsure of how to be a father. So I helped you even though I didn't want to because I felt bad for Georgia. I didn't want her to grow up without a father. It's bad enough to grow up without a mother. And then Luke and I started fighting," Lorelai quickly spoke.

"Whoa, whoa,"Christopher said putting his hands on her shoulders. "You and Luke didn't break up because of me."

"How do you know?" Lorelai asked.

Christopher just gave her a look.

"Of course, because we live in Stars Hollow and everyone knows what I had for breakfast this morning," Lorelai sighed.

After a moment she added, "No we didn't break up because of you. But you came here and that's when we started fighting. That's when he..."

"That's when what Lore?" Christopher asked placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Nothing," she said pushing his hand away. "Nothing, it's fine. We had problems and then he was gone. He was the one who left me," she said standing up and getting agitated.

"Why did he leave you?" Christopher asked standing. "I mean this town knows everybody's business and yet no one seems to know what happened."

"It's none of their damn business," Lorelai said.

"It might help to talk about it," Christopher prodded her.

"I don't want to talk about it," Lorelai replied. "I don't, I'm fine. Luke has left town. Good, it just makes it easier for me. Now I don't have to worry about seeing him, or hear people talking about him. It's fine."

Lorelai abruptly stomped up the stairs before Christopher could go after her.

"Lore," he called up the stairs.

"I'm fine," she said and slammed the door to her room.

She could fool the town, she could fool Christopher, but she couldn't fool her heart. Lorelai laid face down on her bed and clutched a pillow to her face has hot tears streamed down her cheek. The realization finally hitting her that Luke was gone and he wasn't coming back. Furthermore, it was all her fault.

TBC


	2. Sweet dreams are made of this

_Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews! A few things before the next chapter: 1. Sorry for those of you who got spoiled and didn't want to be. I did post a spolier warning before the start of chapter one, but I will also add one to the summary. 2. The title is taken from the following quote by author Ambrose Redmoon "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." I still don't own Gilmore Girls._

"That kid was 12, what did he need three cars for?" Luke asked incredulously as Lorelai got up from the couch to grab him a beer.

"But they had Nintendo in the trunks," Lorelai yelled back.

"I can't believe you made me watch that show. I can't believe how some people live," Luke replied.

"If my parents were entertainers I think the Gilmore pad could be featured on Cribs," Lorelai said returning from the kitchen and setting his beer on the table. "I mean if Shaq can have a Superman room, then the shrine to my childhood shouldn't look too abnormal."

"That would be an interesting show," Luke said chuckled.

"Couldn't you just see my mother showing off all the Chanel in her closet?" Lorelai laughed. "Or my Dad in the drive-way with the antique cars and his page boy hat!"

"Those cars_ are_ nice," Luke admitted.

"So, Halloween is coming up," Lorelai commented abruptly changing the subject.

"That it is," Luke replied.

"So I was thinking," she said cozying closer to Luke. "Maybe we could dress up for Miss Patty's Halloween party. I'd make a sexy Cleopatra."

"I don't doubt that," Luke said reeling her in. "But there is no way I'm dressing up like a gladiator for Halloween."

"Marc Antony wasn't a gladiator he was a warrior and you'd look so hot in an armor chest plate," Lorelai informed him.

"No," Luke said simply.

"Look, I know you have this standing tradition of being the Brawny paper towel guy every year, but please dress up. Please, please, please?" she whined.

"For your information I'm not trying to look like the Brawny paper towel guy. I'm wearing what I wear everyday. The only reason I even go to that party is for the hard cider," Luke said. "And by the way I don't dress up for Halloween."

"You could try it," Lorelai continued to press. "You might like it."

"I might hate it," Luke replied.

"Well then you'll know for sure," she smiled.

Luke just looked at her. Her eyes were pleading with him to say yes.

"Please Luke," she continued to whine. "I've never had anyone to dress up with before. We don't have to be Antony and Cleopatra. We could be Bonnie and Clyde, Sid and Nancy, peas and carrots.

"You expect me to dress up like a carrot?" Luke asked skeptically.

"Oh! Oh! I got it!" Lorelai exclaimed hitting him playfully.

"What?" Luke looked at her nervously.

"You can be Joe DiMaggio and I'll be Marilyn Monroe!" Lorelai cried.

"Didn't they get divorced?" Luke asked.

"Yes, but Marilyn was the love of Joe's life and they say Marilyn always had a special place for Joe in her heart. But that isn't the point. The point is you only have to wear a baseball uniform. You like baseball," she finished in a sing-song voice.

"No," he said folding his arms over his chest.

"Please," she said playfully poking him in the side.

"No," Luke said emphatically, though the resolve in his voice was beginning to crumble.

"Please," Lorelai said giving him a light peck on the cheek.

Luke turned his face toward her to say no, but before he could open his mouth Lorelai placed her lips firmly on his. She kissed him gently teasing his upper lip with her teeth.

"Please?" she whispered planting small kisses on his jaw line and neck. She ran her hands lightly over his arm and Luke's muscles tensed as she worked her hands down his chest slowly unbuttoning his shirt as she moved down. He could feel her lips on his neck and move softly down his chest as she unbuttoned his shirt.

At that moment Luke moaned softly and opened his eyes only to realize that she wasn't there. It was all a dream. Actually it wasn't so much a dream as a memory. Luke's dream had actually happened. Lorelai had used her feminine wiles and persuaded him to dress up for Halloween. Luke drew the line at the tight baseball pants she had found for him, but he wore the jersey and that was enough for her. He also seemed to recall a very special, very private reenactment of Happy Birthday Mr. Danes when they got home.

Luke sat up and tried to push the memory of Lorelai's lips on his to the back of his mind, but it didn't work. He thought if stood up and walked around it might help. He paced the floor of the cabin but the hollow emptiness in the pit of his stomach didn't go away.

'_Damn subconscious_,' he cursed to himself. '_I was just starting to forget_,' he fooled himself.

He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. Luke walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He took a gulp of water and stared out the window at the light rain that begun to fall. He would've expected snow in February, but it was almost as if the weather knew the snow would be too peaceful, too dream-like. The rain seemed to capture the desolation and despair that hung heavy in his heart. Luke thought leaving would help, but in reality not seeing her and hearing about her made Luke feel more alone than he had before.

* * *

Lorelai awoke the next morning to find she had fallen asleep in her clothes from the previous day. She hadn't bothered to eat dinner or change or do anything except think about Luke and his absence. She slept through the night but it was restless sleep and one that afforded no solace. She dreamt of Luke each time she closed her eyes.

One dream was especially telling. Lorelai was standing in the diner, just as she had four weeks ago.

"Just tell me where I stand," Luke said his hands on his hips.

"Luke, Christopher means nothing to me," Lorelai replied. "I'm with you, not him."

"That wasn't what I asked. I don't give a damn about Christopher," Luke replied almost defeated, as if he could sense the end was near. "I asked where I stand with you. Is there room for me in your life? Because from where I'm standing it doesn't seem like it."

Lorelai approached him and placed her hand gently on his chest. "Luke, you're_ in_ my life," she said. "I like you in my life."

"Then why won't you let me cook you breakfast at your house? Why does the thought of me leaving a toothbrush at your house freak you out? Why won't you leave a change of clothes at my apartment?" Luke asked removing her hands from his chest.

"It doesn't freak me out," Lorelai protested as she turned away from him. "I just...I have my things the way I like them."

"And there isn't room for anyone else," Luke said. "That's the problem. I love you. I'm willing to change for you, but you're not. You're not even ready for our toothbrushes to share a holder let alone share a life with me."

"That's not true," Lorelai replied spinning around on her heel.

"Then tell me you love me," Luke said softly. "Tell me that you'd do anything for me, just like I'd do anything for you. Tell me that you're invested in this as much as I am."

"I am," Lorelai said walking over to Luke and playing his face in her hands. "I'm in this with you. I want you to be a part of my life because I love you. I need you and I can't imagine not having you in my life."

Luke leaned in a pressed his lips hungrily to hers. He wrapped his strong arms around her body and pulled her close to him. They were intertwined in body, mind and spirit and for once Lorelai didn't feel scared. She felt at ease. She felt as if everything she ever wanted fell inexplicably into place.

Lorelai opened her eyes and took in a deep breath. She looked around and realized that she was in her room. It was Sunday morning and the rain was softly pelting the windows. It wasn't quite cold enough to snow just yet.

She contemplated her dream. Of course real life didn't mirror her dreams. The scene in her dream had played out just as reality had until Luke asked her to say the words that she couldn't seem to find. In reality Lorelai had opened her mouth and tried to say the words Luke wanted to hear, but when she went to speak, the words caught in her throat. She stood paralyzed and trying to speak, but there was no sound until Luke sighed and turned to walk away.

"Luke," she called out to him.

"I can't do this Lorelai," Luke replied.

'_He used my name_,' she thought to herself. But his tone wasn't loving. It was cold and unfeeling.

"I can't be with you when you don't love me," Luke continued. "I can't be with you when you don't need me. I'm just this guy who you occasionally sleep with. I'm just the guy who cooks you breakfast. I thought I was more than that, but I'm not."

"You are more than that," she tried to plead with him.

"Then why can't you tell me what I mean to you?" he tried one last time.

"You're...you mean a lot to me," she stammered.

"Gee, thanks," Luke replied bitterly.

"You, you're Luke," Lorelai struggled to speak. "You're an important part of my life. Don't you remember when I told you that you're one of the permanently forever people in my life?"

"Yeah I'm in your life permanently forever at arms length. You're holding back on me," Luke said.

"It's not because I don't care about you. I just can't...," Lorelai said.

"Please don't," Luke stopped her. "I don't have time for the 'it's not me it's you' speech okay? I think we should just end it here and now."

"You want to break up?" she asked confused.

"Yeah, I do," Luke replied.

"Because I can't tell you what you want to hear?" Lorelai asked. "What the hell is that about?"

Lorelai was getting angry and confused. She felt like Luke had issued her the ultimate challenge. Being a Gilmore she was not willing to back down. Being a Gilmore she was stubborn enough to see this through to the end.

"I can't be with you when you're not _with_ me," Luke yelled. "You're here, but you're not. Don't you get it? I want to be a part of your life, every day and you don't want that."

"I...I don't know--"

"It's over Lorelai," Luke said defeated. "It's just over. I think you should leave."

"Fine," Lorelai yelled angrily. "I'm glad this is over. How did I ever think this was going to work? This is probably the best thing that could have happened," she said bitterly.

"Good," he yelled back.

"Fine," Lorelai screamed. "Have a nice life!"

She turned with tears furiously streaming down her face and slammed the diner door behind her. She stomped to her car. She hadn't expected it to end. She hadn't expected that he would follow through with it, but he did and he didn't seem to care. What she didn't notice because her tears blinded her was that Luke had leaned into the wall and slumped to the floor, horrified by what had just happened.

Remembering what had happened in reality caused Lorelai to take a deep breath. She stood up and walked over to the window staring out at the small town of Stars Hollow. It looked lonelier than usual, but maybe that's just because that's how Lorelai felt. She sighed and rubbed her eyes. She thought that after a month things would be easier. She hadn't planned on still missing Luke so fiercely. It was like phantom limb pain. She could cut Luke out of her heart and mind, but no matter how hard she tried she still felt him there.

TBC


	3. It's a date

_Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. I still don't own Gilmore Girls._

"Morning," Christopher said as Lorelai entered the kitchen on Sunday. "You look like hell."

"Gee, thanks," she smiled sarcastically. "Remind me again why we aren't together anymore?"

"Sorry," Christopher laughed. "I just mean it doesn't look like you got much sleep."

"Well I didn't," she replied irritated. She yanked a coffee mug from the cabinet and slammed the door shut.

"Still don't want to talk about it?" Christopher asked.

"Nope," Lorelai replied crabbily.

"Fine," he said. "But for what it's worth I think you still love him."

"I don't love him," Lorelai lied to him.

"Okay," Christopher replied slowly. "Then I think we should go out."

"What?" Lorelai turned around shocked by Christopher's proposition.

Christopher stood up from the kitchen table and approached her. "I think you and I should go out," he said simply. "We'll get Georgia a babysitter and we can go out for a nice dinner."

"You're crazy," Lorelai said filing up her coffee mug.

"It's not so crazy," Christopher said.

"No, it's certifiable," Lorelai replied walking passed him.

"Why, what's so crazy about us going out?" Christopher asked. "Sherry unceremoniously dumped me. Luke left you. We're both hot, single people, in the prime of our lives," he baited her.

"So since we're both single we should go out," Lorelai laughed. "Uh, I think Miss Patty is still looking for husband number six. Why don't you go out with her?"

"Because I wanna go out with you," Christopher said seriously.

"Be serious Christopher," Lorelai sighed.

"I am," he replied sincerely. "You just need to get out and get your mind off everything. I'm not saying this has to be a real date, but if it turns out that way I can't say I would complain."

"This isn't a good idea," Lorelai replied.

"Why?" Christopher shot back quickly. "Give me three good reasons and we won't go."

"Uh okay how about I just broke up with Luke?" Lorelai started.

"Yeah, a month ago and you said you didn't love him," Christopher said. "Next."

"And you're still on the rebound from Sherry," Lorelai countered quickly.

"I'm over it," Christopher replied.

"And, this just isn't a good idea," Lorelai protested.

Christopher just gave Lorelai a look that told her that her arguments didn't hold up. He didn't say anything. He just let his gaze bore a hole through her.

"And I'll be ready at seven," she sighed.

"Good," Christopher smiled brightly. He walked out of the kitchen happily and Lorelai was left standing there confused.

* * *

"Another martini with a twist," Lorelai said to the waiter.

"Hey Lore, you might want to slow down," Christopher said. "We haven't even gotten the salads yet."

"Party pooper," Lorelai smiled at him. "I'm fine. I think this was a good idea actually. I needed to get out."

Lorelai surveyed the restaurant Christopher had taken her too. It was a new up-scale restaurant in Hartford. Since it was a Sunday night it wasn't too crowded and the atmosphere was a little stuffy, but relaxing. Of course the relaxation may have been because Lorelai had already had two large martinis since they arrived 15 minutes ago.

"Well I'm glad you're having a good time," Christopher said puzzled. He knew there was something going on in Lorelai's head, he just couldn't figure out what.

"Oh did I tell you that Davey has a little crush on Gigi?" Lorelai made conversation. "It was so cute, Davey gave Gigi his favorite bear because she was crying. Sookie got a picture I think."

"That lothario," Christopher joked. "I'm gonna have to keep my eye on that kid."

"Relax Daddy," Lorelai teased him. "I think I saw Gigi shoot Davey one of your looks before he gave up the bear."

"One of my looks?" Christopher repeated.

"Yeah, you know the patented Christopher gaze complete with unaffected eye lash batting and killer smile. Poor Davey didn't stand a chance."

"Ahh, I taught her well," Christopher chuckled. It seemed like Lorelai was more at ease and in turn it made Christopher relax.

"So are you looking forward to the commute tomorrow?" Lorelai changed topics.

"No," Christopher said flatly. "I really appreciate you helping me with Gigi Lore, but I do not enjoy the daily commute from Stars Hollow to Boston. They can take the motorcycle out of the man..."

"But that can't put the Volvo in him?" Lorelai finished as the waiter handed her another drink.

"Something like that," Christopher chuckled.

Lorelai took a long sip of her martini. "Just keeps getting better," she smiled.

"Right," Christopher said. "So tell me how you feel about self-medicating?"

He tried to tease her and make it sound like he wasn't concerned. It didn't work.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lorelai said. "You wanted me to go out dinner with you and I'm here. Now you're going to begrudge me a drink?"

"No," Christopher replied. "I just didn't think you'd need to get drunk to spend a little time with me."

"I'm not getting drunk to spend time with you," Lorelai said setting her drink down. "See?"

Christopher shot her a look and Lorelai just smiled at him. His resolve to scold her crumbled and he smiled back.

"I'm totally fine," Lorelai said.

"Lore, I'm not the alcohol Nazi okay? I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm great," Lorelai replied. "I couldn't be better." She pushed her drink to the corner of the table in an effort to please Christopher and to slow down her drinking. Suddenly she felt like the vodka was getting to her.

"Well I'm glad to hear it. I wanted to take you out as a thank you for letting me stay with you. I know it hasn't been easy and I know I probably don't deserve your help," Christopher said.

"You don't," Lorelai smiled at him. "But you're welcome. It's actually been kind of nice to have noise in the house. I never did get used to the quiet after Rory went to college."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Christopher said nostalgically. "After Sherry left it was really quiet and then Gigi would laugh and I'd feel better knowing someone was still around."

"Yeah," Lorelai agreed. "When Luke used to stay over I liked the sound of him moving around in the morning. It was nice to hear the shower running, even if I yelled at him for making noise so early."

"I know," Christopher said. "Sherry used to hum in the bathroom in the morning. And it was always some horrible song like_ Hello_ by Lionel Ritchie."

"You're kidding?" Lorelai replied.

"No, I'm not," Christopher said leaning in. "I was afraid I'd wake up one day and there'd be a clay bust of Lionel in the bathroom!"

Lorelai laughed as she contemplated Christopher's story. "Luke used to hum, but then deny that he was humming because apparently mountain men don't hum or something. One day I walked into his apartment and I caught him singing--full out singing--into a broom handle while he was sweeping!"

"What song?" Christopher asked.

"_You Are So Beautiful_," Lorelai laughed remembering it.

"Kenny Rogers?" Christopher said incredulously.

"No, Joe Cocker, thank god! He looked shocked that caught him. I thought he might kill me just to stop the story from spreading."

"That's classic," Christopher said. "I once caught Sherry—"

"Wait," Lorelai interrupted him. "What are we doing?"

"Huh?" Christopher said.

"We're talking about Luke and Sherry," Lorelai said a little disgusted. "Tonight is supposed to be a fun night for us."

"You're right, so no more talking about Sherry and Luke," Christopher agreed.

"No talking about exes," Lorelai said. "In fact, let's make it interesting. Every time you say the name Sherry I'll buy you a shot. And every time I say the name Luke you buy me a shot. What do you think?"

"I think it sounds like we're getting drunk tonight," Christopher laughed.

Sure enough neither Christopher nor Lorelai could prevent their thoughts from running to Sherry and Luke, although Lorelai had imbibed many more drinks than Christopher had. It seemed easier for him to focus his conversation in her. However, by the time the main course was served Christopher was starting to slur his words and Lorelai erupted in fits of laughter for no reason. Christopher realized that he needed to drive home and he tried to avoid bringing up Sherry's name, but even when he accidentally said it Lorelai was too drunk to notice.

"I love your laugh," Christopher chuckled as Lorelai was cracking up over something she found insanely amusing.

"Thank you," she giggled.

"I miss it," he tried to say seriously.

"You miss my laugh?" Lorelai asked trying to compose herself.

"Yeah, you don't laugh like you used to. You're more serious now," he commented.

"Not true, I laughed just last night when we were watching...what were we watching? Something with Muppets in it I think," she struggled to remember.

"Yeah you and Georgia were watching the Muppets last night," Christopher said. "But I just meant that you used to be so...I don't know, something is different."

"Yeah something is different," she said. "But right now I need another drink."

The conversation was getting much too serious for Lorelai and she needed an escape so she decided to use the Ladies Room to avoid Christopher's stare. She looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. She did look different. She couldn't place it, but something wasn't right. She only hoped that by the time she got back to the table Christopher would stop looking at her with those eyes. She got the distinct feeling that he was hoping this was a date and it made her uncomfortable.

She returned to the table and Christopher stopped asking her questions that made her nervous. Of course maybe the nerves disappeared with the additional martini, she couldn't be sure. By the time they left the restaurant Lorelai could barely walk a straight line and the staff seemed happy that they were leaving. Luckily Christopher was sober again and he helped Lorelai to the car. He decided it would be best of he dropped Lorelai off at home and then picked up Gigi from Babette's.

Christopher pulled up in front of the house and Lorelai was asleep with her face pressed against the passenger's window. He laughed looking at her. He thought of all the times he and Lorelai had gotten into trouble drinking, but he never recalled seeing her this drunk. He walked to the passenger side of the car and opened the door. The movement of the door startled Lorelai awake and she looked around as if she was trying to figure out where they were.

"We're home," Christopher said putting an arm around Lorelai's waist.

"Right," Lorelai agreed groggily. "Home."

"You remember your house," Christopher said talking to her as if she were an amnesiac child.

"But a house is not a home," Lorelai said.

"What?" Christopher said.

"You know, a chair is just a chair and a house is not a home," Lorelai babbled on.

"Tell me you're not quoting Dionne Warwick," Christopher laughed.

"So what if I am," she leaned into him clumsily as he led her to the front door.

"Come on," he said unlocking the door and throwing her arm around his neck. "You need to get some sleep."

"I don't want to," she said.

"Why not?" Christopher replied carefully leading her up the stairs to her room.

"I dream about him," she sighed.

Christopher had successfully hauled Lorelai into her bedroom and he sat her down on the bed.

"You dream about Luke?" he asked.

Lorelai nodded miserably while Christopher pulled her coat off and threw it on the chair.

"What do you dream about?" Christopher asked. He figured if she wouldn't talk to him while she was sober maybe she would open up while she was drunk. He wasn't proud of it, but he wanted to know that she was okay.

"Just Luke," she mumbled leaning into Christopher's neck.

"What's he doing?" Christopher probed.

"Depends," she said nuzzling into his neck. "Sometimes he's kissing me or telling me he loves me."

"That's nice," Christopher replied letting her lean into him. He was getting a little uncomfortable with the way Lorelai was rubbing his back lightly with her hand. The touch wasn't unwelcome, but he got the distinct feeling it wasn't really meant for him.

"I love you," Lorelai whispered into Christopher's ear. "I'm sorry I couldn't say it before."

Lorelai's head was resting on Christopher's shoulder and she was breathing steadily, her eyes closed.

"I love you too," Christopher said sadly. "But you need to get to bed."

"Don't go," she said clutching his shirt but not opening her eyes.

"I have to go, but I'll see you tomorrow," he said moving her hands and laying Lorelai on her side.

"At the diner?" she muttered.

It was then that Christopher truly realized she thought she was talking to Luke.

"Yeah at the diner," he said standing up.

"Good because I missed you," she sighed as she drifted off to sleep. "I do love you Luke," she added sleepily as Christopher covered her with a blanket and turned off the light.

Christopher scratched the back of his neck and sighed as he walked down the stairs. He had a lot to think about, but right now he needed to see Georgia. She was the one girl in his life that he knew loved him in no uncertain terms.

TBC


	4. Talking it out

_Author's Note: Thanks again for the reviews. I hope this chapter tides you over because I'm sure if I'll have the next chapter done by tomorrow. I still don't own Gilmore Girls._

Luke paced the cabin and took a deep breath before he picked up his cell phone. He dialed a familiar number and waited while the phone rang.

"Hello," the irritated voice barked into the phone.

"Jess, hi" Luke said.

"Luke?" Jess replied surprised.

"Yeah, it's been a while," Luke said.

"Yeah, it has," Jess agreed. The last time Luke and Jess saw each other they parted on good terms. Since then they had been keeping in touch through monthly phone calls. Luke didn't want to smother Jess and for his part Jess enjoyed talking to his uncle every so often.

"So how are things?" Luke asked.

"They're good," Jess said. "I enrolled in that course I told you about at the community college."

"That's great," Luke said proudly. "How's it going for you?"

"It's different. I never thought I'd like going to school," Jess admitted. "So what's new with you? You and Lorelai still the Luke and Laura of Stars Hollow?"

"I don't even want to know how you can reference General Hospital," Luke replied.

"I don't even want to know how you know I was referencing General Hospital," Jess joked. "So how are things?"

"Your mom and T.J. are doing well. Your mom got an offer to display her jewelry in some boutique," Luke evaded the question.

"That's good," Jess said noticing that Luke hadn't answered his question. "So T.J. is still around, huh?"

"Yeah, who would've thought?" Luke tried to laugh. "As weird as he is he seems good for your mother."

"Yeah, T.J. brings out the best in Liz," Jess said. "It's kind of how Lorelai gets you to actually leave the diner on occasion."

Jess knew he was steering the conversation back to the topic that Luke had managed to successfully avoid moments ago, but he felt there was something that Luke wasn't telling him.

"Right," Luke said tersely.

"Isn't it about time for that Valentine's Day festival?" Jess asked. "Is she gonna make you dress up like Cupid?"

"Look Jess, for your information Lorelai and I broke up, okay? I left Stars Hollow and right now I'm living at the cabin," Luke replied.

"Are you serious?" Jess asked surprised. He knew Luke was avoiding his questions, but he didn't actually think that something this serious had happened.

"Yeah," Luke said quietly.

"She break your heart?" Jess asked trying to sound nonchalant although he really did care.

"Yeah, I guess she did," Luke sighed. "You were right."

"About what?" Jess asked.

"A long time ago you told me I was putting my life on hold for her and she'd never notice me. Well she finally noticed me, but it turns out she didn't care as much as I wanted her to," Luke replied surprised by his mini-rant.

"Did you tell her how you felt?" Jess asked.

"Yeah," Luke said sadly. "She just didn't feel the same way."

"I'm sorry," Jess said meaningfully.

"Yeah, well it's over now," Luke said wistfully. "But listen, I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

"Depends," Jess said. "What do you need? Cause I'm not gonna do one of those fruity retreats with you where we sit in the woods and hug it out."

"I don't want you to come on a retreat with me," Luke sighed. "I forgot some things at the apartment. I was wondering if you could pick them up for me?"

"And you can't do it yourself?" Jess asked.

"You know that town Jess," Luke said. "I just don't want the spectacle."

"Fine," Jess agreed. "What do you need?"

Luke hung up the phone after calling Jess. He felt a little better knowing that he was going to collect the things he's forgotten in his haste to leave town. Jess was also going to make sure that one more important piece of business was attended to.

* * *

Lorelai opened her eyes and took in a deep breath. She looked around and realized that she was in her room. She felt like she'd been run over by a Mack truck. Her mouth felt like cotton and she cleared her throat before rubbing her eyes. Her head hurt and then she remembered the events of the previous evening. She was suddenly very happy that she didn't have to work until later.

She further remembered that Christopher was still downstairs. Sure, his presence in her life caused some problems for her relationship with Luke, but that wasn't the real problem. The real problem was that Lorelai couldn't say what Luke needed to hear. She couldn't allow Luke to have access to that part of her. But Lorelai couldn't think about that right now. She was more concerned about remembering what happened last night with Christopher. Her memory was foggy, but she did remember falling asleep on the way home.

Lorelai trudged downstairs even more downtrodden than the previous day. However, today Christopher wasn't sleeping. He was awake and packing his duffel bag.

"What are you doing?" Lorelai asked yawning.

"I'm packing," Christopher said not looking up.

"Chris," Lorelai said walking over to the couch. "You don't have to leave. I want you to stay, really."

"No, I can't," Christopher said. "I've already overstayed my welcome. I appreciate all the help you've given me with Gigi Lore, but it's time to go. It's time I figured out how to do this on my own."

"Are you sure?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah," Christopher said sincerely. "I've really liked being here with you and Rory when she comes home, but it's time for me to grow up and deal with this on my own. You raised Rory on your own. I think we both agree I wasn't around when I should have been, but now I have to do this on my own. I can do this."

"You can," Lorelai agreed. "You're a great Dad when you let yourself."

"Yeah," Christopher smiled that remarkable smile. "And you're a great girlfriend when you let yourself too."

"What does that mean?" Lorelai asked.

"Look, you and Luke? Probably none of my business, but why were you keeping him at arms length?" Christopher asked.

"You're right, it's really none of your business," Lorelai said. "I wasn't keeping him at arms length though."

"Right," he replied drawing out the word to articulate his disbelief.

"I wasn't," Lorelai protested.

"Lore, I was only here a few weeks and I could see how your face would light up when he'd call you or come over. And after last night don't tell me you aren't in love with him," Christopher said.

After a beat he added, "And if you tell me you don't love him I'm gonna have to get violent because that was the only thing keeping me from trying to get back together with you again."

Lorelai gave Christopher a soft look. Her eyes showed that she was touched he still felt so strongly about her.

"I definitely had strong feelings for him," Lorelai said slowly. "I don't know how I felt."

"Come on, you told me you loved him last night," Christopher stopped throwing things in his bag and sat next to Lorelai on the couch facing her.

"I did?" Lorelai asked cringing.

"Yes, you did," Christopher said. "Actually you told me you loved me, but you called me Luke so I put two and two together. So I'll ask you again. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing. There's nothing to tell," Lorelai shied away from his demand.

"Oh please! How about telling me why you can't tell Luke you love him? Or why you cling so fiercely to being alone when deep-down you hate it," Christopher said.

Lorelai's eyes widened in response to his comment.

"Did I mention I know you?" Christopher added.

"I can't tell Luke I love him because it's too big," Lorelai said. "You know my family. We're not the Walton's. Emily and Richard didn't tuck me in at night. We didn't partake in family hugs or verbal affection," Lorelai said.

"So emotion makes you uncomfortable," Christopher said. "I get that, but Luke isn't your family."

"No, but he wants to be," Lorelai said. "He loves me. He told me he'd do anything for me. Do you understand how much pressure that is? I'm going to let him down."

"You don't think you've already let him down? The guy left town Lore. How much more disappointment do you have stored up for him?" Christopher tried to joke.

"You don't get it," Lorelai sighed. "Do you want to know how many times I've said I love you to a guy? The answer is once and I'm looking at the guy I said it to," Lorelai said.

"So once again, it's my fault you can't say I love you to someone?" Christopher said getting irritated.

"No," Lorelai said resting her hands on his knee. "I mean...Do you remember when I told you I loved you?"

"Right before we found out about Rory," Christopher said.

"Exactly," Lorelai said. "I loved you and I thought we were going to have this fantastic life. Then I found out I was pregnant and that perfect life went out the window. And even though it turned out great, for a while it was horrible."

"So saying I love you means disaster?" Christopher said.

"Maybe," Lorelai admitted. "I don't know. I just know that it scares the hell out of me. It's a big deal. It's a life-changing thing."

"But it should be a good thing," Christopher said. "What do you think will happen if you tell Luke you love him? Flood? Famine? Assorted signs of the apocalypse?"

"No," Lorelai said. "I just, I know I'll let him down."

"That's the point," Christopher said. "Look, you helped me with Gigi, now let me help you with Luke. Saying I love you is scary. It makes you vulnerable to the person you say it to, but Lore, come on, you can't go through life being too scared to experience it. You have the advantage here because you know Luke loves you. There isn't any danger of him not saying it back."

"There wasn't if I would have said it four weeks ago," Lorelai admitted. "I wanted to say it Chris. I opened my mouth and the words just wouldn't come out. Then he walked out and it was too late. If I say it now, who knows? He probably doesn't feel the same way anymore."

"You'll never know if you don't try," Christopher said standing. "Now, I gotta go. Gigi and I have a long day of moving things out of storage don't we G?"

Christopher picked up the baby and walked over to the couch.

"Thanks for all your help Lore. I won't forget it," Christopher said placing a light kiss on Lorelai's forehead. "But do yourself a favor and think about what I said. Oh, and if Luke's stupid enough to say he doesn't love you anymore let me know. I'm always around to pick up the pieces of your heart, or challenge him to a duel. I think Straub still has his 19th century dueling pistol in the attic," he added with a smile.

With that Christopher walked out the front door and Lorelai sat on the couch contemplating their conversation and what she should do next.

Lorelai watched Christopher leave and part of her knew he was right. She picked up the phone again. The number rang and went immediately to voicemail.

"Luke," Lorelai started, her voice shaking slightly. "I get that you're probably avoiding my calls, but I'd really like—I need to talk to you. Please call me when you get a chance."

Luke had just hung up the phone with Jess and he noticed he had a voicemail message. Luke sighed as he listened to the message from Lorelai. No communication for weeks and now Lorelai had called him twice in a week. She sure wasn't making this easy for him, but he couldn't get sucked back in again. He didn't trust his resolve. He knew that hearing her plea would get to him and he felt like he was just starting to forget her piece by piece.

In the end Luke thought that leaving Stars Hollow might have been the best thing he ever did. He was staying at his cabin, living off his savings for a while. Luckily his father had taught him how to invest wisely. Luke knew he'd have to start looking for work soon, but for now he was taking things one day at a time. And that meant he wasn't planning on returning Lorelai's call any time soon.

TBC


	5. Silently thinking out loud

_Author's Note: Sorry for the wait. This chapter will also have to tide you over for a few days. As always, thanks for the reviews and I still don't own Gilmore Girls._

Three days later and Lorelai had still not heard from Luke. She had left him one more message in a futile attempt to reopen the lines of communication, but there was still no response. To take her mind off Luke she decided to throw herself into work at the inn, which irritated Sookie and Michel to the point that they actually kicked her out of the inn for a minimum of one hour.

Since she had been banished Lorelai decided to take a walk around the town to get her mind off things. The wind was brisk and Lorelai pulled her hat down over her ears. The weather was getting colder, but Lorelai still didn't sense snow in the air. It was odd that it was the beginning of February and it hadn't snowed in weeks. Lorelai crossed her arms over chest and turned the corner to the Town Square. Against her better judgment she decided to walk passed Luke's Diner. Something about seeing the diner dark and empty made Lorelai ache inside. However, as she got closer to the diner she noticed that the lights were on. Lorelai's heart leap in her throat and she quickened her pace as she approached the diner. Lorelai pushed open the door to the diner and removed her hat.  
  
"Luke," she called walking through the tables.  
  
"Are you here?" she yelled as she made her way to the stairs.  
  
"Luke's not here," called a familiar voice.  
  
Lorelai stopped in her tracks and saw Jess come down from Luke's apartment, a box in his arms.  
  
"Jess," Lorelai said trying to hide her disappointment.  
  
"Wow, nice attempt at enthusiasm," he said sarcastically placing the box on the counter.  
  
"Sorry," Lorelai said. "I just thought Luke was here."  
  
"Well he's not," Jess said rummaging behind the counter.  
  
"I see that," Lorelai said running her fingers over her hat.  
  
"So I guess you don't need anything since we're closed and Luke isn't here," Jess ventured.  
  
"Right," Lorelai half-heartedly agreed. She turned to leave the diner.  
  
"Wait," she said turning back to Jess abruptly.  
  
"What?" Jess said irritated. It wasn't that he was mad at her. Sure, they had never really gotten along, but Jess and Lorelai had come to some sort of civil accord when he came to town for Liz's wedding. However, at the moment Jess only saw Lorelai as the woman who broke Luke's heart. "You've obviously talked to Luke," she said gesturing toward the box on the counter. "I was wondering when he was coming back?" "He's not," Jess said simply.  
  
"Well he can't stay away forever," Lorelai replied almost as if she was tying to convince herself of the fact.  
  
"Actually he can," Jess said. He reached under the counter and pulled out a large board.  
  
'FOR LEASE-Sunshine Realty', Lorelai read the sign.  
  
"He asked me to come by and pick up a few things and make sure I put this in the window," Jess said.  
  
"He can't do this," Lorelai whispered.  
  
"Well he is," Jess said coldly. "You broke his heart. He only wanted you to tell him you loved him."  
  
"Jess you don't know anything about this," Lorelai said.  
  
"Oh please, he loved you and you couldn't say it," Jess was getting angry. "He did everything for you and you were just too proud to say you loved him." "Wow, are you over-identifying with this situation," Lorelai said. "Except the difference is I'm not you and Luke isn't Rory. Rory loved you and you left town on her. I didn't leave town on Luke. I'm still here. He's the one who left." "You didn't give him a choice," Jess said. "Was he supposed to stay here and pine for you while you played house with Rory's Dad? The sick thing is he wasn't even that upset about it. He just wanted you to say you loved him as much as he loved you." "You think I don't know that?" Lorelai shouted back. "You should know better than anyone that it's not as easy as people think." 

Jess studied the counter as if he was thinking when in reality he just didn't want to make eye contact with Lorelai because he knew she was right. Rory had loved him he was sure of it, but they couldn't make it work because he wouldn't let himself love her. He wouldn't let himself show her the real him. He only let it show in pieces and most of the time he didn't treat her the way he should have. When he finally decided he did love her it was too late. It had hurt like hell. He was over it now, but he remembered all too well the feeling of utter despair and helplessness that overcame him at the time. He had a feeling Lorelai was going through the same thing now.

"I know it's not easy," he conceded. "But you can't expect him to wait forever."

"I don't," Lorelai replied sadly. "You think I don't know how wonderful he is? Well I do, believe me. I sat through entire town meeting where people basically said I'd break Luke's heart and guess what? For once I lived up to expectation didn't I?"

Lorelai pulled out a chair and sat down. She wasn't sure what compelled her to say these things out loud, to Jess of all people, and yet here she was telling Jess these things.

"I just wasn't ready to tell him how I felt," Lorelai said miserably. "You must know what that's like. I didn't realize just how much I needed him until he was gone."

"He misses you," Jess said lightly. "I mean, I'm pretty sure he does. When I talked to him he sounded like he missed you."

"Well I wouldn't know since he's avoiding my calls," Lorelai said glumly.

"Well, that's Luke," Jess said. "You hurt him. But the thing about Luke is that he always forgives. It's part of his sick sense of duty. He needs to help people."

"Yeah," Lorelai agreed. "Jess, do you think you might tell me where the cabin is? Maybe if I see Luke in person we can sort this out."

"I don't think so," Jess said. "If Luke wanted to see you he wouldn't have left town."

"Jess please I have to make him understand that I_ do_ care about him," Lorelai said standing and approaching the counter.

"I'm sorry," Jess said in a tone that actually made Lorelai believe he was. "I can't tell you."

Jess took the large sign and walked over to the window leaning it against the glass.

"I have to get to work so you're gonna have to leave," Jess told her walking toward the door.

"Right," Lorelai said walking to the door. "I'll go, but when you see Luke will you tell him...Tell him I miss him?"

"Does it look like I have Western Union stamped on my forehead?" Jess asked sarcastically falling into his usual personality.

"Please Jess?" Lorelai asked. She wanted to get mad, but she thought she might have a chance of getting his help if she remained civil.

"I'll think about it," he said.

"Well I guess that's all I can ask," Lorelai said walking passed him through the door. "But please think about it."

Lorelai walked through the door and Jess closed it behind her throwing the deadbolt over. Jess watched Lorelai walk down the street and he felt genuinely bad for her. He had the unfortunate knowledge of how hard it was to lose someone you loved. He knew how hard it was to say the words that Lorelai was struggling to find. The worst part was he had learned his lesson the hard way and it seemed to him that Lorelai was well on her way to learning the same lesson.

* * *

Luke returned from a trip to the local grocery store and placed his shopping bag on the counter. He began to unpack his essentials and just as he reached the bottom of the bag he saw it. A single can that he had purchased absent-mindedly, or maybe not so absent-mindedly. He reached into the brown bag and pulled out the can of crystallized caffeine. Luke twisted the can around in his hand and debated for minute. Soon her took the lid off the coffee and pealed back the silver foil. He inhaled deeply and his nostrils were filled with the scent of coffee. But it wasn't just coffee that he inhaled. It was Lorelai.

Luke remembered walking up and down each aisle at the store. He purchased some fruit, protein bars, water and then he walked down the tea aisle. Inevitably the tea and coffee sat side-by-side on the shelf. Luke tossed a box of peppermint tea into his basket and he continued to walk through the aisle until he stopped. He reached out and grabbed a small can of coffee and tossed it into his basket. Whether he did it consciously or not, he couldn't tell, but the fact was that he bought the coffee.

Luke set the open can on the counter and went about putting the remaining groceries away. The small cabin smelled of coffee and he thought if he'd only thought to buy a lavender candle that the cabin would smell exactly like her. The scent made him ache inside, but it also brought a strange sense of comfort. It was as if he could trick his mind into thinking that Lorelai had been there and that she would be back soon. He knew that wasn't the truth, but he wasn't much for the truth lately.

The truth is what he asked for Lorelai. The truth was the reason he was alone in a cabin. She couldn't handle the emotion. She couldn't tell him what he so desperately needed to hear. Luke thought he could go without hearing the words, but after a while he realized he needed to hear them.

He was more enraptured with Lorelai by the minute and yet he felt like he was an obligation to her. He felt as if she was merely putting up with him and his presence in her life and he couldn't live that way anymore. Although now that he realized he had bought coffee just to take in her familiar scent he thought maybe it might not have been so bad to live a life in which he wasn't completely loved. Maybe the fact the she allowed him in at all was enough. Deep inside he knew that wasn't true and so he replaced the lid to the coffee can and placed it in the back of cabinet.

Luke walked over to the couch and sat down. He decided it was time. Lorelai had left him another message and he had to return her call as much as it might hurt him. So he pulled out his cell phone and dialed her number.

"Hi," Lorelai said. "I'm not here and the operation to surgically implant my phone to my ear takes place next Thursday so until then leave a message and I'll call you back."

Luke hesitated. He wasn't sure if he should leave a message or not. Although he felt like he should say something just so Lorelai would know he wasn't avoiding her.

"Hi," Luke said clearing his throat. "It's me. I got your messages I've just been busy with things. So I'm returning your call now. Okay, bye."

Luke sighed as he hit the disconnect button. '_What a stupid message_,' he thought to himself. It was too late now. The message had been left. Now all he had to do was wait to see if Lorelai would return his call.

TBC


	6. Mother know best

_Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews. I hope ths wait for this chapter wasn't too long. I still don't own Gilmore Girls._

The next day Lorelai drove to Hartford with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had thought about her conversation with Jess all night and she had come to a decision. She had to take action in her situation with Luke. She either had to commit to being with him or sever the relationship completely.

Luke had finally called her back. Unfortunately Lorelai had been in the shower and she couldn't get to the phone. She decided she wasn't going to call him back. She was going get her life together and that included a visit to her parents.

Lorelai thought it would take a miracle to get her parents in the same room together. Surprisingly both seemed open to the idea of a face-to-face sit down with their daughter. Of course neither knew what she was going to ask, but they each wanted Lorelai on their "side." That had been evident since the day she announced she was dating Luke. Emily fawned over Luke at dinner. Richard took Luke to the Country Club. It was sad that they had fought over him like a new toy, but that was the Gilmore way.

Lorelai pulled up to her parent's house and got out of the car. She smoothed out her coat and rang the doorbell. Emily answered the door happily.

"Lorelai," she said as she ushered her in. "Come in, its cold out. Is it just you? I thought for sure you'd be bringing Luke with you."

Lorelai had failed to mention her break up to Emily and Richard. It was too painful for her to talk about and she didn't want her parent's judgment hanging over her head.

"Why would I bring Luke Mom?" Lorelai asked taking off her coat. "I didn't say he was coming."

"Well, I just thought maybe he was," Emily said the smile fading from her face. "Richard, Lorelai is here," Emily called as they walked to the living room.

"Dad's in the house?" Lorelai asked surprised.

"You said you'd be here at six," Emily said.

"Yes, but I figured Madonna would have to take a break from Kabala and fetch Jeeves to get Dad to come over," Lorelai said.

"Is that funny?" Emily said fixing drinks.

"Apparently not," Lorelai sighed.

"Richard," Emily bellowed again.

"I heard you the first time Emily," Richard said entering the room with his paper.

"Hello Lorelai," Richard said looking up. "Where's Luke?"

"Jeez, is Luke like the ultimate party favor? Everyone is so interested in why he's not here," Lorelai grumbled.

"Well I'm sorry," Richard replied. "I just assumed he'd be here. You don't often come by without reinforcements."

"Who wants a martini?" Emily said quickly changing the subject and walking over with a tray of drinks.

Lorelai grabbed a glass and took a sip. She flinched remembering her drunken evening with Christopher a few nights earlier. She cleared her throat and set the glass on the table.

"So Lorelai, what can we do for you?" Richard said.

"Well, I first wanted to say that I appreciate you both talking to me," Lorelai started nervously. "I know it's not easy for the two of you to be in the same room, but since this concerns both of you I thought this was best."

Emily and Richard exchanged a look.

"You know that Luke and I were dating," Lorelai began shakily.

"I knew it," Emily said hitting Richard hand. "I told you."

"Told you what Mom?" Lorelai asked.

"But why isn't he here? I would have thought he was a stand-up man," Richard said ignoring Lorelai.

"Richard who cares, it's finally happened," Emily said gaily.

"What's happened?" Lorelai raised her voice. She was baffled by her parent's animated conversation. They'd hardly spoken ten words to each other in weeks and apparently 8 words from her stimulated conversation between them.

"You were right to have me keep that account open," Richard said. "It'll save us money in the long run."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Lorelai shouted getting both the elder Gilmore's attention.

"Lorelai," Emily gasped. "Please don't raise your voice."

"Sorry," Lorelai replied looking down and reverting to her 4-year-old self. "I just don't understand why you two suddenly started a reenactment of the Pick-A-Little ladies."

"Well you're engaged to Luke," Emily said as if she couldn't understand Lorelai's attitude.

"What?" Lorelai replied horrified.

"You asked your father and I to meet with you and then you started the conversation talking about Luke," Emily explained. "Although I would have thought he would have been here for all this."

"And asked me for your hand," Richard added. "I know it's an old custom, but it would have been nice."

"Wait, just stop," Lorelai said standing. "Luke and I aren't getting married. That isn't why I came here today."

"You're not?" Emily asked.

"Then why are you here talking about Luke?" Richard asked.

"Because we broke up," Lorelai finally admitted.

Lorelai could almost feel the room deflate. Once again all Emily and Richard's hopes and dreams had faded away.

"Oh," Richard said.

"Of course," Emily added, her smile fading.

"Of course," Lorelai repeated bitterly. "Thanks Mom."

"Well, I should have known not to get my hopes up that you'd actually get married," Emily said. "It always ends the same with you Lorelai. Is this about Christopher? I told you it was mistake to take him and that child into your house."

Lorelai shifted on her feet uncomfortably and picked up her drink, taking a large sip. She composed herself and sat down again.

"This has nothing to do with Christopher," Lorelai said flatly. "And for your information Chris went back to Boston on Monday."

"I don't understand," Richard said. "If this isn't about getting married and this isn't about Christopher then what is this meeting about? You called us here to announce your break up?"

Lorelai could tell by the irritation in his voice that he was as disappointed as Emily that there would be no wedding. She hadn't expected this reaction at all. Sure, her parents had fought over Luke's affections, but it was because of the separation. It was part of their game of one-upping each other. That was why they liked Luke so much. Or so Lorelai thought. Now that she saw their faces and their reaction to the news she thought that maybe, just maybe, deep down they liked Luke and thought he was good enough for her.

"It's about money," Lorelai said matter-of-factly.

"Of course," Richard said in the same tone Emily used earlier.

"Of course," Lorelai agreed. "Luke loaned me money for the inn last year. Now that we're apart I don't think its right that I owe him money. I'd like to make things right and in order to do that I need to borrow money. I will of course pay you back as soon as possible and Friday night dinner will continue indefinitely."

Emily and Richard looked at each other.

"How much did you borrow from Luke?" Richard asked.

"30,000 dollars," Lorelai answered.

"30,000 dollars," Richard repeated. "Luke had mentioned his investments, but he must have been doing much better than he let on if he had 30,000 dollars to give you."

"Well he invested it in the inn actually," Lorelai replied. "But now I need to make things right. I know it's a lot to ask."

"I'll have to call the bank," Richard said getting up and leaving the room. It was clear he was tired of fighting with Lorelai and tired of fighting his disappointment in her.

"No comment Mom?" Lorelai replied once they were alone.

"No," Emily said coldly.

"Come on Mom," Lorelai challenged her. "No judgment? No disappointment?"

"No Lorelai," Emily replied. "You're certainly old enough to know what you want."

Lorelai sighed and took another sip of her drink bracing herself for the silence that would befall them until Richard returned. But then Emily surprised her.

"Why did you and Luke break up?" Emily asked.

"He broke up with me," Lorelai said.

"That isn't what I asked," Emily said a little too sweetly.

"It's really none of your business," Lorelai said.

"I think your father and I are giving you 30,000 reasons why this is our business," Emily replied curtly.

"He didn't believe in me," Lorelai shrugged.

"He didn't?" Emily said. "You just said he loaned you 30,000 dollars. I'd say that's quite a risky investment for someone with no belief in you."

"It wasn't like that," Lorelai struggled to respond. She didn't want to be having this conversation. What was worse than having this conversation was that it was taking place with her mother.

"Then what was it like?" Emily asked.

"It's complicated," Lorelai replied through clenched teeth.

"Then uncomplicated it," Emily said briskly. "Tell me what it is you're looking for Lorelai? You're not getting any younger and your relationship with Luke seemed like the most adult relationship you've had. You actually introduced him to us for heaven's sake! What was wrong with it?"

"_I_ was wrong," Lorelai yelled back against her better judgment.

"You were wrong?" Emily asked surprised by Lorelai's response.

"Yes," Lorelai said flatly. "I was wrong. I couldn't tell Luke I loved him and he left. Are you happy? Now you know everything."

"Why couldn't you tell Luke you loved him?" Emily said. "Don't you?"

"I am not having this conversation with you," Lorelai said.

"Why not? I'm your mother Lorelai," Emily said. "I have a right to know what's going on in your life."

"I don't want to have this conversation because I don't need you judging me and I don't need your advice," Lorelai said.

"No, you never did," Emily replied bitterly. "But just know this Lorelai. One day you'll wake up in a bed all alone and you'll wonder what happened. It's wonderful to be independent and self-sufficient, but it's also wonderful to know that you have someone there to love you unconditionally. And it's horrifying to find out that the person you loved left because you were weren't paying attention."

"Mom I know you and Dad have problems, but my relationship with Luke is nothing like yours," Lorelai said shifting in her seat.

"It's more like you and Luke than you'll ever know," Emily said thinking back on her past. "And I wasn't just talking about your father. I lost you too you know."

"What are you talking about?" Lorelai sighed. "I'm sitting right here."

"Now," Emily said. "But how much time did I lose with you and Rory because I wasn't paying attention? I didn't know how unhappy you were until it was too late. I should have dragged you back here kicking and screaming, but I was hurt."

"Mom," Lorelai said softening. "I'm here now."

"Only under penalty of not getting money for Rory's school," Emily said.

"That's not true," Lorelai said.

"It is true," Emily replied. "I'm not oblivious. I just want you to think about this before you and Luke end it."

"Think about what? There's nothing to think about. Luke left me. He not only left me, but he left Stars Hollow. He's selling the diner. He went to great lengths to avoid me," Lorelai said.

"Don't let stubborn pride get in your way," Emily said.

"Why do you care?" Lorelai mumbled.

"Because as much as you'd like to think I want you to be miserable every day of your life I don't. I want you to be happy and Luke made you happy," Emily replied.

"Well, my bank is wiring the money into your account Lorelai," Richard said coming back into the room. "Don't write the check until tomorrow morning though."

"Thanks Dad," Lorelai said. "I appreciate your help."

"Well if that's all I have to get to an appointment," Richard said coldly.

"Right," Lorelai said awkwardly standing. "I guess I should go to. I'm sure you've got things to do."

"Goodbye Lorelai," Richard said leaving the room abruptly.

"Bye Dad," she called.

"I do appreciate the loan Mom," Lorelai said pulling on her coat. "I plan to pay it back as soon as I can."

"I'm not concerned about the money Lorelai," Emily said. "Just think about what I said. You know the way out."

Emily stood up and walked up the stairs. It was clear the conversation was over. Lorelai sighed. She felt like she should be happy that she could repay Luke, cut the cord that bonded them forever, yet she felt worse than ever.

Lorelai didn't sleep at all that night. She tossed and turned. The worst part about it was that her dreams, which usually revolved around Luke, now revolved around her mother. Emily's face was ingrained in Lorelai's brain. The look of disappointment in her eyes when Lorelai had asked for the money. But there was something else, something Lorelai couldn't put her finger on. Was it sadness?

Lorelai struggled with these half-thoughts, half-dreams all night until the morning came and forced her to get up. Lorelai put on her nicest suit, the one with the flippy skirt that she looked particularly good in. She had finally decided what she needed to do and there was no changing her course of action now.

TBC


	7. The truth will set you free

_Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in this final chapter, but I hope it was worth the wait. Thanks for the reviews. I have appreciated them all. I still don't own Gilmore Girls._

Luke returned from a morning of fishing and placed his pole by the door. He rubbed his hands together briskly in an attempt to warm up. The weather had taken a sudden turn and the crisp air stabbed at him like sharpened knives. He had a feeling that snow might be in the air. Lorelai would know for sure, but he didn't have the luxury of her presence anymore.

Luke walked over to the kitchen and filled the tea kettle with water. He sighed as he placed the kettle on the stove. It had been a long week. Jess had stopped by to bring him the items he'd left at his apartment. He told him that he'd placed the lease sign in the window as requested. Luke thought that he'd feel a sense of relief knowing that the diner wasn't his concern anymore, but he didn't.

Luke asked Jess if he'd run into anyone while he was in town. Although far from Stars Hollow Luke still thought about the little town that he'd grown to hate and love all at once.

"Taylor didn't give you a hard time did he?" Luke asked Jess.

"No," Jess replied. "I didn't see anybody actually."

"No one was around?" Luke asked quizzically. "What, did you go in the dead of night? I told you Rory was at school."

"No, I went during the day, but no one was around," Jess lied. "It's like the freakin' Twilight Zone there. No one disturbs the corner where Luke's sits as they wait for his return," Jess said ominously.

"Right," Luke scoffed. "They don't have to worry about that."

"You're really never going back?" Jess asked.

"I'm really never going back," Luke said. Luke tried to be gruff and unfeeling but Jess could hear the sadness in his tone.

"Not even if she wanted you too?" Jess pressed him.

"She doesn't want me to," Luke replied a little too quickly.

"You don't know that," Jess said.

"Trust me," Luke said. "I know her. If she wanted me to come back she would've found a way to make it happen."

"She did call you," Jess pointed out.

"Yeah, well she obviously didn't mean it because I haven't heard from her in days," Luke said avoiding eye contact and rummaging through the box Jess had placed on the counter.

Jess was about to open his mouth and say something. What it was Luke wouldn't know because he stopped him from speaking.

"Look, thanks for the stuff," Luke said. "I appreciate you going to pick it up."

"You're welcome," Jess answered.

"I'm sure you probably have a lot better things to do right now," Luke ventured.

"Yeah I don't need a full-time baby-sitting job," Jess agreed mischievously.

"Right," Luke tried to laugh. "Well thanks for the help."

Jess left and Luke thought that he should have asked Jess to stay a little while longer. Although Luke had never wanted for company or conversation he'd somehow gotten used to the idea of Lorelai talking his ear off and now the silence without her was deafening. That was until his cell phone rang.

"Hello?" Luke said.

"Luke, this is Harry Winchester over at Sunshine Realty," Harry said brightly. "I've got some great news for you, I think we've managed to lease your diner."

"It's only been on the market for 4 days," Luke said.

"Well it's prime real estate Luke, right on the corner of town," Harry said. "I've worked out a one-year lease and I wanted to make sure that was alright with you. I know you were looking for a longer contract, but the buyer seems adamant about keeping their options open."

"The buyer isn't Taylor Doose is it?" Luke asked scared that Taylor might be the person taking over the diner space for an entire year.

"No, actually it's a corporation," Harry replied.

"What would a corporation want with the diner?" Luke asked half-rhetorically.

"I don't know, but their lawyer was here working out all the details," Harry said. "They were in a pretty big hurry to get the papers signed. You told me it would be all right to drop by your cabin with the papers so I thought I'd call to let you know."

"Well great," Luke said half-heartedly. "What time will you be here?"

"Actually I'm on my way out for dinner with my fiancée, Valentine's Day and all," Harry explained. "I'm sending a courier service over within the next hour."

"Okay," Luke sighed. "Thanks I guess."

"You're welcome," Harry replied. "Have a good evening Luke."

"You too Harry," Luke said hanging up the phone. Luke sighed sadly and tossed the phone onto the couch. The diner, once his father's livelihood and then his own, was really going to be leased. Luke thought he would feel good about cutting the ties he had to Stars Hollow. In reality he felt lonely and longed to be able to go back, but he knew that he couldn't. He had made a decision and now he had to live with it.

The courier dropped the papers off an hour later just as Harry had informed him. Luke scrawled his name on the dotted line and it was a done deal. The only signature left to acquire was the president of the corporation that leased the building. The courier told Luke that he was on his way to collect the last signature and then it would be a binding agreement.

After the courier left Luke went to the refrigerator and grabbed himself a beer. He plopped down on the couch and turned on the tiny television hoping to find some sport to watch. Being out in the wilderness he had to settle for a fuzzy picture of an outdoor living show, but anything was better than the silence. Anything was better than Luke having to listen to his own thoughts. His gut was screaming that he'd made the wrong decision. That he should pack up and go back to Stars Hollow before it was too late, but he just sat there.

The sun had set and Luke was alone with the only the light from the small television. He didn't know how long he had sat there absently staring at the small screen. It was only when there was a light knock at the door did he realized that it was almost nine o'clock. Luke stood up and placed his beer bottle on the table. He walked to the door and opened it.

"Hi," she said.

"Lorelai?" Luke asked surprised. "How did you know where to find me?"

"It's a long story," she replied. "Can I come in?"

Her face was tentative and she looked almost nervous. Luke didn't remember ever seeing her this way. He stepped aside and let her in. He closed the door and noticed that the wind had picked up. The air felt colder than before and Luke wondered if it might snow after all. He flicked on the light switch by the door and the cabin illuminated.

"So, how have you been?" Lorelai asked running her fingers absently along the counter.

"Just peachy," Luke replied sarcastically.

"Right," Lorelai nodded. "Look I needed to see you. And before you say anything I know my actions completely contradict what I just said. I know I was helping Christopher and I didn't tell you and that was wrong. I know that even after I told you about Chris that you weren't happy about it, but I kept helping him anyway. I know all this adds up to me being a horrible girlfriend, but I didn't get it. I didn't realize how much I need you in my life. I didn't see how much I depend on you to make me feel...like me. I missed-- I miss you," she babbled on.

"I miss you to," Luke said quietly. "But that isn't really the point."

"Isn't it the point?" Lorelai countered. "If you miss me and I miss you then why are we apart?"

"No, I think the question is why were we together?" Luke responded. "If you don't feel for me what I feel for you then what the hell were we doing? I can miss you and you can miss me but the point is you don't feel what I feel."

Lorelai shifted uncomfortably on her feet. She crossed her arms across her chest and took a deep breath. She was finally going to let it all out. Like a balloon with a hole, everything she held inside for the last month was about to come pouring out.

"Do you know why I'm here?" Lorelai said.

"You missed me," Luke replied.

"Wrong," Lorelai said simply. "Yes I missed you, but I came here to tell you that I leased the diner."

Luke looked up at her and his eyes were wide. She could almost see the wheels turning while he tried to figure out what she was playing at.

"Sookie and I are now the proud leases of Luke's Diner," Lorelai stated. As if he needed further proof she pulled out a packet of papers from her purse and she tossed them on the counter that separated them.

"Why would you do this?" Luke asked. She sensed anger in his tone.

"So I can't get away from you? So I'm beholden to you?" Luke asked.

"No," Lorelai said softly surprised by his reaction. "You put the diner up for sale and you left. I can't live without you in my life."

"So you leased my diner in an attempt to what? Force me back to Stars Hollow?" Luke exploded. "I can't be there Lorelai! I can't live in a town where we co-exist without ever seeing each other. It killed me to hear about you from Patty and Babette. When Rory would stop by I could barely even look at her because she's so much like you. You couldn't have thought I'd be happy about this."

"I, Luke, I'm sorry," Lorelai struggled with her words. "But do you think you're the only one who was in pain? I hated not seeing you, not talking to you, but you didn't want to talk to me. You were the one who walked out on me."

"Yeah, because I'm the bad guy, right?" Luke said. "I was just supposed to sit around and feel myself fall more and more in love with you while you were off raising Christopher's daughter, while you weren't feeling a fraction of what I felt for you."

"There are no bad guys Luke," she replied calmly tucking her hair behind her ears in an attempt to compose her thoughts. "I leased the diner because you were making a huge mistake. That diner is your life."

"In case you hadn't noticed I left my life in Stars Hollow behind," Luke said crossing his arms.

"And that isn't what I want," Lorelai tried to reason with him.

"It's not all about what you want," Luke mumbled.

"I know that," Lorelai said. "But I messed up with us. I couldn't live if you left your entire life behind just to get away from me. I leased the diner so you'd have time to think. I'm not planning on running Luke's or even opening it. I just didn't want someone else to lease it and then you'd have no option of coming back."

"How did you afford this?" Luke asked softening.

"I asked my parents," Lorelai replied simply.

"You asked your parents?" Luke asked shocked.

"I asked my parents for money to pay you back the money you loaned me for the inn," Lorelai explained. "I was going to pay you back, but then my mother, and her infinite ability to lay a guilt trip on me, said something that made me think. So I took the money my parents loaned me and I took a second mortgage out on the inn."

"You shouldn't have done that," Luke said wearily.

"I don't care," Lorelai said forcefully. "Luke I realized something over the passed month. I realized that I need you. I can live without you in my life, but I'm not me. Without you I have no one to listen to my lame jokes. There's no one to pick up my pop culture references. There is no one who will willingly sit through _Glitter_ with me. There's no one to call when I get home from a long day at work."

"Lorelai—"Luke started to say before she raised her hand to silence him.

"You never asked anything of me," Lorelai continued. "The only thing you asked of me was to be honest with you about my feelings and I couldn't even do that. It's hard for me to accept that I'm not alone. I've felt alone since I was 5. I've never had anyone understand me or indulge me like you do. That's a scary thing because I keep waiting for something to happen that's going to throw it all off-balance. The funny thing is, this time it was me."

Lorelai took a deep breath and continued, "The thing is, I love you. I've loved you for a long time and I was just too scared to admit it. I should have told you a long time ago and I didn't, but I do honestly and truly love you Luke. I just don't know if you still love me."

Luke just looked at her. These were the words he'd waited to hear. He hesitated before he said anything as he tried to formulate his response.

Lorelai just looked at Luke waiting for his response. It seemed like an eternity in silence. She had thought that like some magic spell if she said these words veils would lift and all would be forgiven. That didn't appear to be the case. Lorelai swallowed hard and she suddenly felt very foolish.

"Well I guess I have my answer," Lorelai said. "I have to go," she said hurriedly.

Lorelai rushed to the door and threw it open into the cold night. She was quickly walking down the path to her car when she realized it was snowing. The snow, which had threatened all day, finally came and it started to blanket the ground as she walked. Lorelai couldn't help thinking that she used to think the snow was magical, special. Now it would only remind her of one of the worst days of her life.

"Lorelai," Luke called as he walked out of the cabin.

Lorelai continued to walk in the cold darkness. She was hoping that the night would swallow her and take her to a place where Luke couldn't find her. She didn't think she could bear to hear him tell her that he didn't love her anymore. His silence back in the cabin was enough of an answer for her.

"Lorelai wait," Luke called.

She could hear his footsteps coming faster behind her and she thought if only she could make it to her car she'd be able to drive away and pretend this hadn't happened. She thought she just might make it until she felt his hand on her arm. He stopped her dead in her tracks and turned her around to face him.

"You drop all this on me and you expect an instant response," he said.

Lorelai just stared dumbly at the ground.

"I, I don't know what to say," Luke said. "You leased the diner. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that."

They stood there for a moment the snow falling softly around them. The night was starting to get quiet like it usually did when massive amounts of snow fell. Lorelai was intently studying the patch on his green coat.

"You're not the only one who made mistakes," Luke finally said. "I was jealous of Christopher. I acted like I wasn't, but I was and that's why I needed you to say you loved me. I didn't want it to be an ultimatum, but I guess that's what it was and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," Luke said bending his head down to try to make eye contact with her.

"It's okay," Lorelai said lamely still not looking at him.

"I just, I felt like I was losing pieces of myself to be with you," Luke said. "And it scared the hell out of me. I needed to know you were there with me and then it didn't seem like you were and I got defensive. _I_ didn't want to get hurt, but I ended up hurting you and that's the last thing I ever wanted to do."

"I hurt you too," Lorelai said finally looking up. "I shouldn't have been so stubborn."

"No, I shouldn't have been so stubborn," Luke said. "I should've given you time to think."

"It's not easy when you love someone," Lorelai said.

"No it's not," Luke said softly. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"I'm sorry too," Lorelai said.

"And to answer your question," Luke said inching closer to her. "I do still love you. I love you when you're referencing Bangles lyrics in a conversation. I love you when you're baking your socks in the oven. I love you when you're venting about a horrible day at work. I even love you when you're making me watch some stupid show on MTV, which, by the way, probably hasn't actually shown a music video since 1985."

Lorelai threw her arms around Luke's neck and pulled his lips to hers forcefully and passionately. Luke gathered her in his arms and pressed her body close to his as if the contact had been magnetic. Lorelai felt the familiar stubble graze her lips and she deepened the kiss. Luke's tongue lightly tangoed with Lorelai's and they embraced as the wind kicked snow up around them.

Luke pulled back for a moment and looked Lorelai in the eye. "I love that you leased the diner because you knew I was being an impulsive jerk," he smiled at her.

"I love that you recognize that fact," she grinned back. Lorelai reached forward and took Luke's face in her hands and kissed him gently again.

"So did you order this snow storm straight from the weather gods?" Luke asked her as he held her close to him.

"Of course. You know only good things happen in the snow," she giggled thinking about how her earlier thoughts contradicted that statement.

"I missed you," Luke whispered in her ear.

"I missed you too," Lorelai replied softly.

"Thank you for coming to get me," he replied.

"Thank you for still loving me," she said.

"You never needed to doubt that," Luke said as he quickly bent down and grabbed Lorelai's legs in order to pick her up.

"What are you doing?" she giggled.

"I'm taking you inside," he said as he started walking.

"But it's so pretty out here," Lorelai whined. "Let's go for a walk in the snow."

"You didn't wear those jeans up here because you wanted to walk in the snow," Luke said suggestively.

"You noticed?" Lorelai asked excitedly.

"Of course I noticed," Luke said. "Good tactic by the way."

"I try," Lorelai laughed as she nuzzled into Luke's neck and placed small kissed down his jaw line.

"So technically you owe me rent for the next year even though I'll be working at the diner," Luke said trying not to get too wrapped up in her kisses just yet.

"Yeah I was thinking we might be able to work something out there," she replied.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Luke replied.

"Maybe we could work something out in trade perhaps?" she replied in a tone that was anything but innocent.

"Interesting thought," Luke replied walking up the steps to the cabin door.

Luke pushed open the front door and set Lorelai down. Before he could turn to close the cabin door Lorelai had pulled Luke closer to her and her lips were pressed firmly to his as she ran her hands down his chest while removing his coat.

Luke responded by pulling on Lorelai's scarf and tossing it on the floor and tugging at the buttons on her coat as he back her away from the door. Luke kicked the door shut with his foot as Lorelai pulled on his shirt leading him to the bedroom.

The snow fell hard and fast that night. Luke and Lorelai woke up woke to find they were snowed in the next morning. They weren't too disappointed to find that they would have to spend the next day indoors. Lorelai was even more pleased to find that Luke had coffee in the cabin.

They spent the next day talking. They both admitted their fears about their relationship and they felt closer for it. Luke and Lorelai decided that once they got back to Stars Hollow they wouldn't take the little things for granted. They would allow themselves to feel vulnerable and insecure, but they'd share their thoughts and fears before things snowballed out of control.

Lorelai awoke in the arms of Luke, the man she loved, and she finally felt like everything was just as it was supposed to be. Luke watched Lorelai as she slept and he felt relieved that he had finally found the person who made him feel worthy, loved. They each knew that loving each other wouldn't be easy; it wasn't the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

The End.

Final quote/story title by Ambrose Redmoon.


End file.
